Friday, May 30, 2008

Ice Cream and Alarm Clocks

I am old enough to remember that Cher, after she split from Sonny and had her own variety show, did a bit where she'd show up at her refrigerator in fuzzy slippers after a date had dropped her off (this alone probably explains why my parents permitted me to watch Cher on a variety show) and ate soft ice cream, right out of the container.

I'm sure that has nothing to do with the fact that before I became a sensible person, I frequently had ice cream for breakfast. Now, I have a strict rule dictating that no ice cream emerges from the freezer before 10am.

None of which has much to do with today's scientific discovery:

A very good way to wake up early in the morning is to open a window and its curtain at bedtime for cool fresh air, and then forget to close it again before 4am when the birds start hunting for some ice cream (or equivalent) of their own.

I mention this because I think it will be very helpful to try it on a day when I actually want to get up early. See? I care about you, so I share.

And now back to the not-sufficiently-scientific experiment I've been conducting, which aims to answer the urgent question: how come on days I eat Haagen-Daz ice cream I lose weight, but gain it on days when I eat ice cream sandwiches, chocolate, or cookies? It's going to need a lot more research to figure this one out, I fear.

Thursday, May 29, 2008

time-wasting, how I miss you

I am SO swamped right now, and will be for... well, a few weeks. I think. I got scared looking the calendar so I went into denial.

Most of the busy is actually writing and editing under pressure so it's guilt-free, but it's definitely got some wist in it because I MISS BEING LAZY!

Here is what I would do if I could procrastinate today:

Finish reading The Jade Peony
... in a basket chair suspended from the ceiling
... which I would shop for
... and then install with great effort
Bake bread*
Flip my hair a few times
Look at the garden and Not. Fix. Anything.

I won't say eat ice cream, because I will definitely be doing that. Also, I will consider over the course of several hours how to fit a garden train into my life.

But I will not clean the house, because I stooped to that yesterday.

* the bread recipe is so easy and so rewarding and it's over at my website under Links:

Wednesday, May 28, 2008


For me, YouTube is a giant time sponge, so I admire people sensible enough to have career aspirations that make it a productive place. Like this clever filmmaker known to me as Mr. Sheepfilms, who posts - get this - short films. I've posted 'Orange' in the Delay Tactics list because it turns him into a kind of live action Wallace and Gromit, but I also recommend 'Light'.

Saturday, May 24, 2008

Tinga Ting Ting

Yesterday I spent the entire day in the company of other writers, which was exciting and enthralling and inspiring and lots of other ings that have reminded me to share a small discovery from this week's iTunes-related delay tactic: The Ting Tings. (see the links list for a video at YouTube.)

But I'm being a GOOD GIRL today. I am WORKING. Just not on my book, of course.

* * * * *

Oh man, do I need sugar.

And maybe 16 more hours in this particular day.

Monday, May 19, 2008

Interruption Interrupted

Well, I had a good run there for a few days: the last gasp of the best procrastination project ever, combined with actual writing. The only sad moment was the loss of Active Fish, who lasted all of nine days under my care.

But on the bright side: the best procrastination project ever is pretty much done! Yep, believe it or not, the yard above used to be all grass, where it wasn't dirt. Okay, it was mostly dirt. And now it's a giant vortex of time-consuming garden potential, complete with topiary clipping, weeding, planting, dividing, and maybe even watering tasks to choose from, though I did try to choose drought-resistant plants. And I did pretty much all of it on my own. Go me (or rather, go biceps!)

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Top Ten List

On Wednesday mornings I write, which means that I am actually

Eating Dad's oatmeal cookies
Looking at the remains of two apples and considering more
Making sure Active Fish is still active
Watching clips of The Hills and questioning what the fuss is about
Reading celebrity gossip
Typing this
Looking for new writing music on iTunes
Making plans for the weekend
Wondering why writing is so HARD.

Monday, May 5, 2008

R.I.P. Energy-Conserving Fishy

Okay, I was under the impression that when fish die, they float at the top of the tank, or at least give you more notice than hanging around under the filter all day. That fish was fine when I went out to work on the big spring procrastination project, and two hours later: wham. Curled up on the decorative rock.

In good news: the fish that started out swimming frantically around the tank is still at it, and actually stands a chance at making it to pond life now that it isn't competing with a roommate, however lethargic.

Saturday, May 3, 2008

Go Fish

Today was a lucky day, in that I picked a greenhouse (another procrastination project, don't ask) that just could NOT give me enough freebies. Some guy was trying to clear out stuff from previous displays and... well, there's an aquarium in the kitchen now that is too small for the two pond goldfish he all but literally threw in.

So I've got my first goldfish since I was about 7 and went along with my mother to visit her nearly 100-year-old-aunt who lived out of town, leaving my older brothers and sisters to look after my goldfish, which had migrated over the course of my increasing disinterest to living on the shelf over the washer and dryer in the bowels of the basement. You have to think about how many times teenagers are likely to do the laundry while their mom is out of town to guess how many days it took for Goldy to meet the toilet.

I am worried about these two. They have the best I can give them, including water from a tank at the pet store, but they are huge. One of them looks totally panicked, racing around the other one who appears to be conserving energy.

That's not why they made the diary though. It's the staring. I had forgotten how much time you can spend just staring at fish! even if you're not worrying, probably.

Thursday, May 1, 2008

The Sublimity of Soaps

I'm not talking shower soap here, but the TV kind. There is nothing better for a procrastinator than a soap opera! I am a recovering soap opera addict--I had to stop myself cold turkey when I realized I was depressed every afternoon about Brian cheating on Kelly Ripa's character on All My Children. I mean, I took a job close enough to home, with my lunch break positioned just right to allow me to watch half an hour of that show every single day, and all morning I'd be dialing into a soap opera hotline to find out what was going to happen when I got in front of the set. 15 years on I still can't risk watching a single new scene from any soap and won't be able to for the rest of my life, but thanks to the beauty of YouTube and all those lovely procrastinators who kept videotapes of old episodes and did whatever magic they had to do to upload them, I can go back and watch old scenes and interviews to boot.

So far I've managed to fill three days with Luke and Laura, as well as Genie and Tony. Probably you`d have to have watched both shows to think these are funny, but I did, so I do: check the link list for the clips of L&L on Rosanne, and Rosanne on General Hospital.