I don't know why I'm still surprised at how wide the gap can be between what I want and what I actually need. I don't mean material things, but Life Goal things. It's so easy to misinterpret what will actually bring happiness, don't you find?
For example, what I want is not to have to go out anywhere for three days so I can sit in an armchair and knit or read a book or just listen to music without dashing off all the time. But when I effectively did that over the holiday, staying with a friend who had an inconveniently broken bone, my brain started to melt. I got to forgetting things, like what day it was. And when I left - oh, the fresh air! It was like a miracle!
Then I got sick and I didn't go out anywhere for another three days, and by the time I recovered I was into the annual orgy of Christmas Chocolate, also very much wanted. Is there any greater bliss?
Apparently not, because what I felt was sad. Not to mention a little sick, as when one eats too much cake at a party, ahem.
On the last day as I packed up my bag to take to my trainer's, the better to sleep in the first morning back to Real Life, it hit me:
I didn't exercise for nearly three weeks.
(Something I wanted even more than Christmas chocolate, if you want to be picky.)
And I felt lousy! Even lousier than the very middle horrible ab thingy when I realize there's still a lot left to do! How on earth can something so miserable make you feel so much better?
I may never really accept that it's true, but at least I was able to remember it as I walked past this today:
Also known as the fence that separates my dream house from the park I cross to get to my trainer's gym.